Taking a Shower

Taking a shower sounds simple enough. The more kids you have, though, the more complicated it gets. Some moms just don't bother, but it's one of those things that I refuse to skip, even if I have 12 kids (I won't). The key to getting it done is to simplify the process. So here it is. 

Taking a Shower in 1400 Easy Steps.

Put oldest kid on the bus.
Realize you have to leave in 1.5 hours.
Usher three kids upstairs.
Lock gates at both ends of the hallway so that no one wakes the sleeping baby or breaks their neck falling down the stairs.
Settle the baby down for a nap.
Hear your three year old shout, "MOM! I pooped AND peed!"
Wipe your three year old's butt.
Start the shower to let it warm up.
Help your two year old on and off the toilet.
Rescue your deodorant from the hallway. Realize the cap is missing.
Remind your two and three year old that the baby is sleeping and they need to play quietly.
Yell, "BE QUIET!" when they inevitably slam the bedroom door.
Pray that the baby didn't hear.
Get into the shower and realize that the hot water has been running for 12 minutes.
Wash your hair while refereeing a fight about a motorcycle.
Get out of the shower and dodge awkward remarks about butts and nipples while you try to dry off.
Help your two year old onto the toilet.
Wave goodbye to poop.
Search for a new diaper.
Apply deodorant. Share it with the two year old. Body odor starts young.
Dodge requests for snacks, orange juice, and complaints about eye pain. 
Search for a tie-dye shirt to no avail. Convince the three year old that his TMNT shirt is super cool.
Dig out some fresh nursing pads and your bra with plastic hooks.
Remember the days when cute bras were the norm.
Throw on yesterday's yoga pants and a tank top and usher the two older kids downstairs quietly, hoping that the baby sleeps long enough to put your hair up in a pony tail.

You're done! It's 9:30 am. Go eat some breakfast. You don't have to share, but you probably will.