"My life does not revolve around wiping your ass."

These words came out of my mouth today.

They were immediately followed by the realization that, sonofabitch, my life does, in fact, revolve around wiping asses.

But I wasn't going to admit that to my three year old, no matter how many times he shouted "I pooped AND peed!" while I was trying to shovel down my peanut butter cup flurry.

Such a glamorous life I lead.

Speaking of three year olds, why are they such little a-holes? I actually got into an argument with Toast today about the fact that I was not going to take him to Disneyland, in CALIFORNIA, tomorrow. He also punched his sister more times than I can count, refused to "nap" (and I use that term loosely), and had to be reminded six times to go get new underwear from his drawer, despite the fact that he could absolutely feel the breeze on his nether-region because he was doing handstands on the couch.

My two year old wasn't much fun either today, but it's really no fault of her own. She's had a fever since last night. Poor Beam. When it's up, she's sleeping on the couch. When it's down, she's accessorizing with plastic barrettes. I discovered today that she is a spitter when it comes to taking medicine. So I spent my time being covered in regurgitated ibuprofen and bribing her to please swallow her meds. At least two year olds are easy to bribe. I offered her a penny if she would take her meds before bed, and she was psyched. I'm glad she thinks pennies are big money, because we bought a new car today and pennies are about all I can afford now!

My new ride:

I got myself a new mom ride. And I'm glad I ran out to take this picture for my blog because I realized that the passenger side window was halfway open and there is a chance of rain tonight. That would have been fun. I already locked my keys in the damn thing once today.

And, meanwhile, my husband:

Gavin just reminded me that it's past his bed time. How did I miss that?

Muffin says, "Night, ya'll."